I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
