U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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