look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
