Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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