if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
