So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
