Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
