If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
