I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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