my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
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