we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
