My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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