you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Everything about him screamed your future.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
