I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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