did you get engaged???
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
