Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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