Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize