There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
