i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Randomize
