Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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