Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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