You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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