He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
