Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
