Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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