He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
