Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
