Porn is love you can see.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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