I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
