It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
