Your face is a jimmy john
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
