i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
