There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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