Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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