How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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