she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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