end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You can't motorboat a personality
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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