Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
