Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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