You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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