you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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