I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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