Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
