I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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