I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
