u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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