I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
