In the future we'll all be gay
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
