i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
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explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
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The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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