Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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