i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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