No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
