Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
