I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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