butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
