what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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