sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
