I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
