A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
